Nine Years On
~ A raw but ultimately beautiful day of celebrating our son’s 9th birthday ~
CW: baby loss, grief
As the children grow older they are starting to claim their own relationships with their brother. They talk about him and miss him in their own ways, even though he was the first of our children.
This year, they made him birthday muffins (I forgot to add sugar but with a chocolate icing they were still yummy), and collected flowers on our way to the beach where we celebrate him.
They chose the tree to leave the flowers against and we had a beautiful afternoon swimming and skimming stones.
This year has hit me hard. Nine years of loving and missing our boy.
I still get flashbacks of the traumatic events around his birth and this year was harder than recent years have been.
I hate how far away I am from him in time. I hate that my memories of him are softer and harder to grasp, even though flashbacks can still jolt me into submission. I hate that I still have to sift through trauma in order to access the pure grief of losing my child.
But Marvellous’ spirit and his memory guides me daily. I swore to make him proud of me. His life for mine, and I will make the most of it.
Happy Birthday my beautiful baby boy. Forever a part of my heart.
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Writing 'Songs for Marvellous' was my grieving process.
And selling this music supports my family.
So please go take a look, share with colleagues and friends, and buy some scores.
Songs For Marvellous (Full Cycle)
Songs For Marvellous (Three Songs)
Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep
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