Happy Birthday To Me! Love Letter From 33 to 23
Ok, being honest here.
23 year-old Ella was almost a completely different person.
She had excruciating anxiety, low feelings of self worth and felt stuck and unfulfilled in pretty much every area of her life.
The age 33 wasn't even on the agenda - how could I ever be that oooold?
(*facepalm*)... but now that I've hit 33 and am super excited about, I'm taking a look back. Would I change anything? No. Because otherwise I would be on a completely different path.
But I know that these are common fears for young people and especially young artists. These words below would have made a difference to me.
So here goes:
Little Ella...
1. You are fucking unique. There is only you and you bring joy. Know that and feel that.
2. Don't bother comparing yourself. a) because of the above and b) because never leads to happiness.
3. Be the change you want to see. Just because you can't see yourself in your chosen career doesn't mean it can't start with you.
4. Sometimes crying isn't as scary as you think it is
5. Crying actually feels fucking good - and it isn't being selfish
6. Your excruciating periods are not normal. You don't have to suffer.
7. Your music will grow and you will find the people who value it
8. You have fantastic observation skills and you have good instincts when it comes to people. Follow those.
9. Listen to your body and act on it.
10. You know that interaction? Yeah, that was racist. It's not just you being sensitive.
11. You know that interaction? Yeah, that was sexist. It's not just you being sensitive.
12. You know that experience? Yeah, that was rape. You didn't deserve to be shamed by your 'friends' about it. It wasn't your fault. You're not alone.
13. Children are amazing and you are going to be so blessed!
14. Trust is a powerful thing. You get really good at cultivating that.
15. Boundaries, oh my goodness! They are AWESOME!
16. Setting boundaries is fun
17. Holding boundaries is hard
18. Women aren't fucked over by mother nature. We're fucked over by the patriarchy. Our cycles and movements are sacred.
19. Don't change yourself to fit in with people. Find the people who you are brave enough to be silly with.
20. You think that you are emotionally intelligent, which you are. But it's all intellectual. There is more.
21. Emotional embodiment is the bomb! We're still working on it, but it's really cool.
22. You know more than you think you know when it comes to music.
23. You know the fear that keeps holding you back? It's just fear. It's not reality.
24. Fear is useful. Don't hide from it. Explore it and it will teach you
25. You know that wonderful man you're trying to convince to move in with you? Be patient, you marry him.
26. PAYE employment is not for you and that particular boss sucked. You are great at being your own boss.
27. Continue to cultivate family connections and look for friends. You are brilliant at building a web of beautiful people, keep faith in that.
28. You are strong. That strength will be tested over and over, but you will survive and you will thrive.
29. Learn the love language of going for what you want. It feels so good and brings you and your family so much joy
30. Your music will regularly make people cry. (That's a good thing). Allow yourself to take pride in touching people so profoundly with your gift.
31. When people are mean or reject you, it has nothing to do with you. It's about them. Try to let go and heal. Then you can heal with them.
32. Oh my goodness, I've almost run out of space - BUSINESS SKILLS ARE AWESOME! Reject the Classical Music idealogoy of "selling out" and fucking sell out!
33. You are so so so loved.
So here I am. A celebration of all that I have learned and all that I will continue to learn, and love and grieve, and love and live.
(Actually, this reminds me of my song 'Everyday Magic' - check it out here)
If you would like to work with me, I have a number of different ways we can work together, including:
I have one space left on my Mentoring Programme
I am taking music commissions on from July
My music is available to purchase from my website
And my podcast is here!
Have a beautiful day
Ella xx