'I don't want to undervalue you or your work, but...'
I've tried to write this about four times. I've brought in stats, I've second-guessed myself, I've frozen in fear, I've complained, I've over-explained and I've been angry.
But here's the crux of the matter.
I will not allow prospective clients to emotionally manipulate or shame me into lowering my prices.
I received two emails recently, about separate funding applications that they had asked me to quote for, both including the following line:
'I don't want to undervalue you or your work, but...'
Both of these people were white men.
My fees had previously been quoted and accepted, and paid, before - by women.
There is this general subconscious assumption that women's work is less valuable, that we have more to prove before we can be successful.
That we need to accept the generosity of being commissioned, rather than ask for the fees that will appropriately reimburse us for our precious energy and time.
The quote is too much for you? Say so, clearly and politely. Ask if there is wiggle room. We can talk about how to raise the funds. Or we can agree that it's something to come back to. Not a problem.
But if the quote is too much for you and you use patronising language, explaining to me all the reasons why the quote won't work, with a 'woe is me' tone, 'this isn't how things are done around here', etc., expecting me to feel ashamed, or sorry for you, and lower my quote out of pity or fear? You can f**k right off.
Too often women and especially women of a true intersection of society are manipulated into feeling sorry for people and compromising on what we actually need.
Every day, this happens, every day.
Women doing the majority of unpaid labour, be that childcare or domestic duties
Women being talked over, dismissed and silenced
Women being assaulted, raped, murdered, blamed by the people who should be protecting us
Women working for free in order to educate the industry they're in so that they get an equal seat at the table (hello, Beyond The Chameleon!)
Women STILL experiencing a ridiculous income pay gap, across industries around the world.
I see this behaviour and I call it out.
Sexism. Gaslighting. Clear as day.
'I don't want to undervalue you or your work, but...'
I inwardly held up a middle finger and used a particularly plosive swear word...
Outwardly, I politely declined and walked away.
Links
Research by Donne on Equality & Diversity in Concert Halls | 2020-2021